Losing someone or something for most is a difficult life experience. Grief over the loss of a family member is a natural reaction. Knowing how to deal with loss and pain is a skill that few people possess.
Grief is a natural response to loss, it is a kind of emotional suffering that we feel when we have lost something that is important to us. We often associate grief with the loss of a loved one, which is the source of deep pain. Losses can be different. The degree of sadness certainly depends on the type of loss and the personal meaning that the loss has for each individual. Among the biggest losses of life, we can distinguish loss of a family member, loss of health, divorce, loss of a job, loss of financial stability, loss of friends, loss of a pet …
The greater the loss for the individual, the greater the intensity of grief. However, for some individuals, even the smallest loss can be a source of immense pain.
We are not equal in joy – sorrow
An old saying goes, “We are not equal neither in sorrow nor in joy.” Is that really the case? Research indicates that grieving is an individual’s very personal experience. How a person grieves depends on a number of factors. Personality and life experience define the intensity of grief. Grieving is a process. Healing happens gradually and is an individual. The grieving process can take a short period of time while for some it can take the rest of your life.
May we increase our sadness
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross defined “five stages of sadness” in 1969:
- Denial: “What is happening cannot be true.”
- Angry: “Why did this happen to me? Who is to blame?”
- Bargain: “Just so that doesn’t happen, I’ll make a…”
- Depression: “I’m too sad to be able to do anything.”
- Acceptance: “I am at peace with what happened.”
These degrees of sadness are based on studies of the feelings of patients who have experienced illness. A large number of individuals generalize these same stages to a large number of negative life losses, such as the death of a loved one or a divorce. Remember: there is no typical loss response because there are no typical losses in life. Our grief is a consequence of our former lives.
Myths and facts about sadness
MYTH: IT WILL LOSE FASTER IF I MISS IT
FACT: Any attempt to ignore our pain or suppress it will make it worse. In order to achieve healing, it is necessary to face the loss and sadness we feel and actively deal with it.
Myth: It is important to be strong in the moments of loss
Fact: Being weak, scared, or lonely is a natural reaction to losing. Tears do not mean that we are weak. One should not hesitate to show family members and good friends their true feelings – perhaps this is the only way to help our loved ones in the right way.
MYTH: IF I DON’T PAY IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I WOULD NOT regret the loss
FACT: Crying is a normal reaction to sadness, but it is not the only form. Those who do not cry in the moments of loss can feel the pain as deeply as others.
Myth: Sadness must last through some time
FACT: In everyday life, when we go through some of our life losses, we cannot determine the time frame for grief. How much one will grieve and mourn the loss of a dear person varies from one individual to another.
How to deal with grief
The most important thing is that at the moment of loss you have close relatives you can rely on. Sharing with your loved ones the feelings of loss, sharing the loss makes the burden of sadness easier. Spiritual activities such as prayer and meditation can be a source of comfort to individuals in the most difficult of times. Don’t hesitate to join a support group as people who have suffered similar life losses can help you through the most difficult times. Loss and tremendous pain can drain all life and emotional reserves. Face your emotions, don’t suppress emotions. Unresolved grief can cause depression, anxiety, and some other health issues. Seek the help of a specialist as soon as you realize that the amount of sadness you carry is too heavy.
Anniversaries, holidays and specific events can arouse feelings about the person we have lost. Get Ready for the Emotional Strike: It’s normal and natural. Let these be the moments in which you will extract from the inventory of memories the most beautiful and the best that has bound you and ties you to the person who left and is no longer near you. She left, but left you with memories that enrich your life and make sense of pointless times.